


Foundation

by Flynne



Series: Thaddeus Ryder [5]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 19:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flynne/pseuds/Flynne
Summary: Gil sighed. “We said we’d be honest with each other.”“I thought I was. I wouldn’t lie to you. I meant what I said, but then later, thinking about it…” Thad shook his head. “But even so, it wasn’t something I could just take back. Not if it would hold you back from something you wanted.”





	Foundation

“She said _what?”_

Sitting beside him on the couch in Thad’s quarters, Gil let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, I know. I couldn’t believe it, either. I’m kind of freaking out.”

Thad’s heart thudded against his sternum, but he did his best to keep a neutral expression. “I can see why.”

He must not have been successful, because Gil’s expression shifted from awkward confusion to concern. “You’re angry.”

Thad _was_ angry, which was why he didn’t answer right away. Even before he’d met Jill, the stories Gil told about her hadn’t left him with a very favorable impression, and their introduction at Prodromos hadn’t softened his opinion. He’d said nothing, though, not wanting to speak poorly about a friendship that Gil cherished so deeply. Gil had met up with her earlier that day during their brief stop at the Eos outpost, but Thad hadn’t been able to join them, being otherwise occupied with a task for Bradley. Maybe Jill had been planning to bring it up that day anyway, but the fact that she’d done it during his absence wasn’t lost on him.

“A baby is a big deal,” he said tightly. “This isn’t just - you can’t take this lightly.”

“What, you think I don’t know that? You _know_ I do. My mum did a great job on her own, but she was _on her own_. Believe me, I know how hard it was for her.”

Thad’s face flushed again, but this time it was from shame, not anger, as he heard the hurt in Gil’s voice. “I know.” He reached for Gil’s hand. Gil still looked unhappy, but he didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry,” Thad said quietly. “Your mom did an awesome job. She brought up a great guy. You’re thoughtful and kind and loyal...”

“You can keep going, you know,” Gil said, smiling faintly. “I’m sure you can come up with more adjectives than that. You haven’t even touched on my good looks.”

Thad let out a huff of air that was almost a laugh and ducked his head, feeling the stone in his chest lighten a little as Gil forgave him. “Hey, you’re the poet, not me.” He sat quietly for a minute or two before he ventured, “...So...what, uh...what do you want to do?”

“I dunno,” Gil said helplessly. “I never really thought about it before. Never thought it’d be something I’d _have_ to think about.” He held Thad’s hand a little tighter. “Listen, the thing is, though, Jill didn’t just ask if I’d be the father. She asked if you _and_ I would be the dad. Uh, well. _Dads_ , I guess.” Thad stiffened. Gil leaned forward a little, trying to meet his eyes. “I know the whole dad thing is...complicated, for both of us...”

“Gil, I don’t…” Thad swallowed against the rising knot in his throat. It was hard to talk, but he had to interject before Gil went any further. “I like kids, but...I’ve never wanted to be a dad. I’m sorry, but I...I can’t.”

“Hey, that’s okay,” Gil hastened to reassure him. “You don’t have to say you’re sorry. We’re together now. We make decisions together. If it’s not right for you, it’s not right for me.”

“No, that’s...that’s not what I meant, either.” Thad took a steadying breath, forcing himself to be calm and set aside the last of his fading anger. “This is a big deal. You can’t just say no without thinking about it, either.” 

“How about you let me decide what I can and can’t do?” Gil retorted. 

“Listen…you’re always telling me how you jump into things headfirst. Before you decide one way or the other, just think about it for a while, okay?” Thad squeezed his hand. “I love you, and I want you to be happy. I don’t want to stand in your way. I don’t want to be a dad, but if you do...” He gave him a small but sincere smile. “Jill’s been your best friend for a long time. I’ll be happy to be the weird uncle for any kids you might have.”

Gil was quiet for a long time before he said in a low voice, “She’s not my best friend. My oldest friend, sure. But not my best friend.” He looked at Thad, eyes warm and bright. “Not anymore.”

Thad’s throat was tight but he still but managed to say, “Oh? ...So who is it, then?”

Gil gave a low chuckle. “Idiot.” But he leaned forward to press his brow against Thad’s. “Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll think about it.”

“Take however long you need. You know where to find me.” Thad gave him another smile as Gil got up and made his way to the door to get started on his shift, but when he was left alone, he slumped forward, elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. The two of them had met up with Jill once or twice since the introduction on Prodromos - always fleeting hellos, never time to stop for long - and the way she’d continued to razz Gil about baby-making had made Thad uncomfortable each time. He’d watched Gil closely to gauge his reaction, but it’d been surprisingly difficult to tell if he’d minded or not, so he’d kept his mouth shut. But now, finding out that she’d actually asked Gil to father a baby for her, knowing he’d never even thought about kids before...knowing he and Gil were together... 

He sighed unhappily. If Gil really wanted to be a dad, Thad knew it would mean his affection would be divided in a way he wouldn’t be able to share or relate to. He’d meant what he said about being an uncle to any hypothetical kids, but turning the idea over in his mind now, he couldn’t deny that it hurt to think about. 

He rubbed his eyes with his finger and thumb. “SAM, why am I so stupid?”

_“I am sorry, Thaddeus, but I do not understand why you are asking.”_

Thad sighed. “Never mind. Sorry, I forgot you have trouble with rhetorical questions.”

_“You do not need to apologize.”_ There was a brief pause. _“You are distressed. Is there anything I can do?”_

“No.” He smiled, very slightly. “But thanks. It’s kinda nice to know you’re there.”

_“You are welcome, Thaddeus.”_

He allowed himself only half a minute more to sit in silence before squaring his shoulders, standing up, and heading for the door. In spite of the bomb Jill had dropped in their laps, he couldn’t spend time thinking about it now. He still had other things he had to focus on that weren’t going to go away on their own. Minor things, insignificant little problems like defeating the Archon and saving the whole galaxy from exaltation.

Little things like that.

\---------------

After their conversation, a small part of Thad wondered if things might start feeling strained between them, but to his relief, nothing changed. As usual, they didn’t see each other much during the day; but when Gil came to his cabin at night, the comfortable closeness that had developed between them was still there.

He wasn’t sure how long Gil was going to take to think about things, but as it turned out, he didn’t have to wait long. Two days later, Gil entered the cabin as usual, exchanged his coveralls for a t-shirt and sweatpants, flopped on the couch next to him and said without preamble, “I told Jill no.”

He’d said it so casually that it took a moment to sink in. Thad gave him a started look. “...What? You did?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Relief and confusion swept through him in equal measure, and after a moment, he ventured, “You’re sure? You’ve had enough time to think about it?”

Gil chuckled. “No, _you’ve_ had enough time to think about it so you’ll quit arguing with me.” Thad blinked at him, stunned. “I made my decision two days ago,” Gil went on. “I realized it then, when I told you I could take it or leave it if I was a dad. If you’re gonna have kids, you should really _want_ them, not be okay either way. Right?”

Thad floundered. “Uh...r-right?”

“And I was serious about us making decisions together. If I’d’ve gone through with it, you wouldn’t have been happy, would you?” Gil’s expression was kind, but his gaze and his question were direct as a lance, pinning Thad in place. He couldn’t speak, but Gil’s knowing look told him that he knew what his answer would be. Gil sighed. “We said we’d be honest with each other.”

“I thought I was.” The words tumbled out of Thad’s aching chest. “I wouldn’t lie to you. I meant what I said, but then later, thinking about it…” He shook his head. “But even so, it wasn’t something I could just take back. Not if it would hold you back from something you wanted.”

Gil rolled his eyes in affectionate exasperation. “ _Now_ who’s jumping without looking?” He sobered, expression gentling. “I told you,” he said, tone soft and earnest as it had been when he’d first told Thad he loved him, “You are my purpose. I’ve jumped headfirst without thinking into a lot of things in my life, but not this. Not with you.” He lifted a hand to cup Thad’s cheek. “You could never stand in my way for anything. I want _you_ , Thad. Never doubt that.”

Thad could only stare, undone by the touch and the gentle intensity of Gil’s words. He took a shaky breath and blinked against the sudden stinging burn in his eyes. When he finally managed to speak, he let out a watery laugh and said, “I’m an idiot.”

Gil smiled fondly. “Yes, well...I’ve been telling you that.” He leaned in to kiss him and murmured, “But I kind of like you anyway.”

Thad huffed another laugh. “Lucky me.”

“Don’t you forget _that_ , either,” Gil teased, and pulled him into his arms, settling back in the corner of the couch.

Thad curled against his chest, letting out a long sigh before he said quietly, “I should’ve listened to you two days ago. I’m sorry. I should’ve given you more credit than that.”

“It’s all right.” Gil hugged him closer. “We were both a little freaked out.”

“I won’t doubt you again,” Thad promised. Gil’s only reply was to kiss the top of his head.

\---------------

They didn’t have a chance to meet up with Jill again after Gil made his decision. Thad assumed that Gil still talked to her over email, but he never brought it up and Thad didn’t ask. He didn’t exactly forget what had happened, but the incident slid to the very back of his mind (and the bottom of his priority list) in the days that followed, as they raced the Archon to find Meridian.

Thad didn’t even think of Jill until two weeks after the Archon’s defeat, when the _Tempest_ made a stopover at Eos. Even so, requests from Bradley and a few of the other colonists occupied his time, and he didn’t spend any time in Prodromos until the following day. For once, he left his armor and weapons on board the ship, wearing work clothes as he joined a small group of colony workers to dig out a trench in preparation for a new hab being put up.

It was hard work, breaking the dry ground, but the hours went by quickly. Thad didn’t realize how much time had passed until a shadow fell across him, blocking out the sun. He looked up, curious, and paused when he saw Jill standing at the edge of the trench, watching him.

“Hey.” She smiled a little, holding out a bottle of water. “Feel like taking a break?”

“Uh…” Thad blinked up at her, then glanced over at the woman who’d been supervising the project.

“Go ahead,” she told him, stretching her back as she set aside her shovel. “I think we could all use a rest.”

“Guess I’m free, then.” He climbed out of the trench, wiping his forehead on his sleeve before taking the offered bottle. “Thanks.”

Jill started walking. He fell in step with her, taking swigs from the bottle as they headed for the border of the outpost. Sand slipped under their feet as he followed her up the side of a dune, and when she stopped at the top and sat down, he joined her. “Nice view.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins, staring at the heat waves rippling on the horizon. “Thad, I...owe you an apology.” Thad’s brows lifted a little, but he didn’t speak. He just turned to look at her and tilted his head, listening. “I shouldn’t have asked Gil about having a baby without including you in that conversation. I mean, I _did_ mean what I said about wanting both of you to be involved, but asking him and then springing it on you indirectly wasn’t the way to go about involving you.”

“Not exactly.”

“It was thoughtless of me,” she went on, “especially knowing the two of you were together. It wasn’t my intention to go behind your back, but that’s what I did.”

Thad sighed and fiddled with the cap of his water bottle. “Yeah, you did.”

Jill finally did turn to look at him, then. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled a little. “I appreciate you saying so.” Jill relaxed. Her face looked a little flushed - whether from embarrassment, or the heat, it was hard to tell - but she managed a small smile in return. They sat next to each other for a few silent minutes while Thad sipped at his water. After a moment, he ventured, “Can I ask you a really rude question?”

One eyebrow twitched upward, but she gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Shoot.”

“Do you really want kids? I mean, really _want_ them? Or is it just because you’re the head of the repopulation program?”

“Wow. You weren’t kidding about rude.”

Thad shrugged.

Her face softened. “I do want kids. Really want them. I know I could hit it off with someone, or arrange something, or choose an anonymous donor, but...I don’t know. I kind of want my kid to have a family, and...Gil’s been family for a long time.” She smiled wryly. “He surprised me, saying that he would have seen a child as his responsibility to _be_ a dad, whether I’d asked him to be involved or not. He’s always flown by the seat of his pants. I didn’t think he’d feel that way.”

Thad smiled ruefully, seeing Alec in his mind’s eye. “Guess even with family, you don’t always know them as well as you think you do.”

“Guess not.” Then, very softly, “It wasn’t fair of me to ask him.”

She didn’t say anything after that, but she didn’t make a move to leave. After a moment, Thad let out a long sigh and said, “Well...I don’t know about you, but my family had a mom, dad, and two kids who all lived together, and didn’t exactly have the healthiest family dynamic. Who’s to say a family can’t be a mom, a kid, and a couple of weird, devastatingly handsome, space-faring uncles?”

Jill let out a startled laugh, but when her humor faded, she looked at him in surprise. “You really mean that.”

“Yeah, I do.” Thad gave her a little smile. “I mean...like you said, you and Gil have been friends for a long time. Whenever you do have a kid, we’ll be ready to - and this is a direct quote - ‘uncle the shit out of them’.”

Gil’s words made her chuckle, but she regarded him soberly. “I wouldn’t have expected you to say that.”

“You’re important to Gil, so that means you’re important to me. I’m not going to ask him to choose between me and his oldest friend.” He gave her a steady look, uncharacteristically serious. “Though while we’re being honest, I don’t think you’ve done much to deserve his loyalty. Constantly pestering someone to be someone they aren’t isn’t any way to be a friend.”

Jill dropped her gaze and huffed a humorless laugh. “You don’t mess around, do you?” Thad didn’t answer. “But you’re right. I guess I owe him an apology, too.” Her fingers traced aimless paths through the sand for a moment or two before she looked up at him again. “I was right about you, though.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” She smiled at him, reaching out to lightly sock him in the arm. “You’re a keeper.”

Thad laughed. “I’ve always thought so,” he replied, playfully smug. He finished the last of his water and got to his feet, brushing the sand from his clothing. “Come on. Let’s see if we can drag Gil out of his engineering cave long enough to get some food. I’m starving.”

Jill took his outstretched hand to let him help her up, and together, as friends - as family - they made their way back home.


End file.
